Last week I told you about cow judging and how I apply those same guidelines to judging farmers.

Well, now it’s time to judge the women farmers, myself included. Maybe I’ll even judge a few politicians.

Here’s how I’d judge a group of four in a formal contest. Following true judging guidelines, I’d start by eliminating No. 4, the one who is obviously an impostor. She’s the one with the soft-looking beautiful hands with long finger nails and not a chip in the polish. The lines in her hands have no indication of black markings and she has no cuts or bruises.

I’d also place No. 2 near the bottom. She shows good disposition and tidiness throughout, and I’m impressed with the symmetry and balance of her clothing, but her shoes and designer clothes show too much emphasis on a regionally popular item and are too flashy for normal work.

No. 3 is impressive but serious discrimination must be given because her clothing will not stand up under the stress of profitable dairying. Although I tend to put more emphasis on soundness and sturdiness in order for her to stand up under the pressures of dairying, there is a need to put some consideration on the coat.

I place No. 1 top in the class because of the large pockets in her coat which makes it obvious she knows the importance of having certain tools handy and ready to use without taking time to run for them. That makes her most efficient in the class. It appears she is not afraid to get dirty when she is producing but she cleans up nicely when need be.

I guess I could judge politicians the same way. Judging from the four in the class, I’d eliminate No. 3 right off the bat because he showed up on the farm in bib overalls and a cowboy hat. Maybe he thinks if he grabs a pitch fork and sticks a piece of hay between his teeth he’ll look like one of us, but I’d rather see more emphasis on functionality. I learned when hiring employees – the faster they talk the less I’d believe them.

While there is something to be said for fitting and grooming, I’d also eliminate No. 2 because of her high heeled shoes. First of all they aren’t practical. Also, she’s been saying producers need to practice bio-security on their farms, yet I’d like to see her put on a pair of disposable boots over those shoes and make her way through the barn.

For the same reason I’d place No. 1 behind No. 4. The white shirt and patent-leather shoes just aren’t practical for a farm tour.

I’d place No. 4 in the top position because his mouth is closed, something that prevents foot-in-mouth disease, and his ears are perked, an indication of alertness and a willingness to listen to what the farmers are actually saying.

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