“Disaster Movie” is exactly what its title suggests: a disaster.
But in all seriousness, are you really that surprised? Well, you shouldn't be, seeing as “Disaster Movie” comes from the minds of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the untalented writing and directing duo behind the horrendous “Date Movie,” “Epic Movie” and “Meet the Spartans.”
If any of you have experienced the unfortunate pleasure of sitting through any of these aforementioned films that resemble pieces of garbage, then you are already familiar with Friedberg and Seltzer's formula that gives spoofs and parodies a bad name.
Actually, the movies Friedberg and Seltzer make shouldn't even be considered spoofs or parodies because they are essentially a mess of half-witted references to pop culture and recent movies that have nothing to do with the genres they are supposed to be poking fun at.
You would think a motion picture called “Disaster Movie” would actually focus on films that have plots revolving around disasters, but aside from a few brief nods to “Cloverfield,” “The Day After Tomorrow” and “Twister,” it's just an onslaught of no-name cast members (What does it tell you when Kim Kardashian and Carmen Electra are probably the best known thespians in the bunch?) going through re-creations of scenes from unrelated movies.
(I didn't make an exact list, but some of the films that are “parodied” are “Hancock,” “The Incredible Hulk,” “Iron Man,” “The Love Guru,” “Juno,” “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” “Superbad,” “Enchanted,” “No Country for Old Men,” “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” “You Don't Mess with the Zohan,” “Sex and the City,” “Wanted” and “High School Musical.”)
And it's not like there is any humor added to the material. What you basically see is re-enactments of these movies that end with gags involving crotch shots, bodily waste and just plain dumb shenanigans. Do Friedberg and Seltzer actually think it's funny to see “Juno” holding a hamburger phone in the air, “Iron Man” being crushed by a cow or a saber-toothed “Amy Winehouse” burping for two straight minutes? I really hope not.
It's hard to put into words just how excruciatingly painful it is to watch “Disaster Movie,” but let's just say it will make you appreciate those dreadful experiences in your life like, say, going to the dentist, waiting in line at the DMV or sitting in a traffic jam.
I'm not exaggerating when I say this either: I didn't laugh once during “Disaster Movie.” Not a single time. I won't deny I enjoy juvenile comedies that many others would consider stupid, but I just don't see how anyone could not find “Disaster Movie” one of the worst films of all time.
People deserve second chances in life, but Friedberg and Seltzer have proven that all they're doing is infesting the comedy genre with trash that no one's worst enemy should be subjected to. I know it's easy for someone like me to just sit here and pick the movie apart, but I would feel guilty if anyone read this review and wasn't absolutely convinced that they should do whatever it takes to avoid this mess.
When you look below this paragraph to see my star rating for the film, you don't have to do a double take or rub your eyes. There's a reason the space is blank and it's not because of a printing error: “Disaster Movie” is really that bad.
0 stars (out of 5)
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